


i'm meaner than my demons

by SafelyCapricious



Series: only the moon howls [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magic, BAMF Sansa Stark, F/M, Sansa Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23742283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SafelyCapricious/pseuds/SafelyCapricious
Summary: The sea rocks the boat under their feet, and Sansa bites her tongue to keep control. Her sea-sickness has passed, finally, and the sailors tell her she’s found her sea-legs, but she still feels like she’s walking on sponge cake and is libel to topple at any moment and she hates it.But also she loves it because it is getting her further and further away from the cage she’s been stuck in.
Relationships: Oberyn Martell/Ellaria Sand, Oberyn Martell/Sansa Stark
Series: only the moon howls [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606012
Comments: 54
Kudos: 444





	i'm meaner than my demons

**Author's Note:**

> Title still from Halsey's Control.
> 
> I said I wanted to do a Sansa POV at some point, so here we have it. I think at least one more work in this series before I call it done, but I'm having some trouble deciding on how to go about a few scenes, so who knows when that will happen. 
> 
> This is part of a series, so you should definitely read the first two if you want this to make much sense.

The sea rocks the boat under their feet, and Sansa bites her tongue to keep control. Her sea-sickness has passed, finally, and the sailors tell her she’s found her sea-legs, but she still feels like she’s walking on sponge cake and is libel to topple at any moment and she hates it. 

But also she loves it because it is getting her further and further away from the cage she’s been stuck in. 

The sea-sickness did have one other advantage as well, the sailors and soldiers who were so afraid of her at first have relaxed and become comfortable after seeing her struggle. Or, at least, most of them have. A few of the Prince’s closer men still eye her warily, even as they help her regain her footing on slippery boards. 

And they do help, these Dornish men and women, with their rolling accents and their smell of sand and salt. 

Sansa finds herself against the railing along the side of the ship again and anchors herself there even as she tilts her head back to take in the air. It’s still salt and sea and water — even as she can see land she cannot smell it and that makes it seem as if it must surely be a mirage. 

Her gums are itching and there’s a howl stuck behind her ribcage that she cannot let out — a howl she wants to give so she can hear the answering howl from the shore — the howl that would tell her she is _home_. But she’s not home, not yet, and she must keep herself composed least she scare those around her again. 

Still, it’s been long enough that she’s wanted to let loose a joyous howl, a celebration and declaration, and not a snarl of hate that she relishes the feeling even as it tingles behind her teeth. 

She takes another deep breath, nose twitching, and still nothing, and stares at the forest that lines the shore instead. 

Another two days, they tell her, before they can land at White Harbor. She thinks she could make it in half that time, were she on land but — but they saved her and she cannot abandon them now, even as she can see her land beyond the waves. 

There are rules to be followed, after all. And just as she could not have escaped from Kings Landing had they honored the hostage rights she’d claimed, so she cannot now abandon her rescuers to the unforgiving wildness of the North. 

Her lips curl as she considers what she’d left behind — she wonders if they’ll claim she broke hostage rights first and thus a forfeit must be paid. She doubts her family would pay it before her return, and by then she can explain — and show her back if she must. Because it doesn’t matter that it was a Lannister, family to the King, who finally stepped in and stopped her from being whipped in front of the court like a _dog_ , it still happened and they never made the reparations they should have. 

She wonders if that same Lannister will try to explain that her leaving was within her rights. But even if he does, because he clearly has some knowledge of the old protocols, she doubts he would be listened to.

“Did you know,” she begins, and only when the fellow she’s speaking to — one of the Prince’s closer men — jerks and swears softly, does it occur to her that perhaps he thought her unaware of his presence. She continues on because she’s already surprised him and it cannot be taken back now. She’s aware that she’s started to slip the closer they get to the North and she needs to try harder to stay _human_ , but it’s hard. “Did you know that all of the Lannisters were dwarfs, before?” 

“No, my Lady,” replies the knight after a very long moment, finally approaching and leaning against the railing at her side. He’s the most handsome, she thinks, of the Prince’s men. And also the one that seems to be the most wary of her. 

“Mm,” she hums and looks back over the water as her regard seems to set him on edge. She can see him relax slightly from the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t allow her amusement to color her voice. “They would sing to the gold and the jewels, along the cliffs of their land, and the gold and jewels were helpless to resist and would come to their hands and never want to leave.” It was never one of her favorite of Old Nan’s tales, far too boring, but she’s heard it enough that it's easy to repeat. “There were some holes and crevasses in the rock, however, that led out into the ocean beyond. And how sound travels is a funny thing. Sometimes their songs would echo and catch the ears of sailors who would dash their boat against the rocks to try to follow the voice to where it beckoned.” She tilts her head like she’s listening for music and he subconsciously follows suit. 

Moments pass with nothing but the susurrus of water against the ship before he speaks. “I thought it mermaids, like the Tully’s, who sung sailors to their deaths.” 

Maybe she’s been wrong this whole time, she thinks as she turns to regard him, and he’s not afraid of who she is but rather of rumors of what her mother’s family could do. Alas, it seems like only one of the Stark children has followed in their mother’s family’s footsteps, and it is not her. “The Tully’s were fresh water mermaids,” she says after a moment. “And more likely to play pirate than siren. Most of them prefer their meat well-cooked you see. I am led to understand that the salt water mermaids did take advantage of the Lannister’s luring of prey though, if they found them soon enough and if nothing else got to them first.” 

Prince Oberyn laughs, delighted, from where he’s been hiding from her view around the curve of the cabin, and finally walks to where she can see him instead of just smelling him. He slaps his knight on the shoulder and laughs again at his slightly queasy expression. “Looks like Lady Stark got the best of you, Daemon! Best to admit defeat, I’m afraid there’s no one on board who is prepared to match wits with her.” 

She arches an eyebrow at his excessively flattery. “Were we matching wits?” she asks dryly, “I thought we were simply exchanging children’s stories.” 

Prince Oberyn laughs again and leans closer to her than anyone else on the ship has dared. She can see the hint of fear in his eyes, however, even as she keeps hers lowered politely. 

He knows what she is, she is only too aware. 

She would perhaps regret his knowledge more if it wasn’t the source of her salvation. 

But, and she tries not to let it puzzle her, despite his fear he’s never avoided her, and does, in fact, seek her out more than the others. 

***

They come to rouse her just before dawn on the day they are supposed to make land. She is already awake, hasn’t been able to sleep in truth, but still they are polite and apologetic as they ask if she has any signal she knows to tell the harbor that she in on the ship. 

There’s some fear, she learns, that they’ll be sunk before they’ve gotten close enough for their intentions to be known. 

It is her impatience to be back on land that has her agreeing — but she hesitates for a moment as she stands on the prow with the hood of her cloak pushed back and — 

“It might be wise to cover your ears, my Prince, my Lady,” she says to Oberyn and Ellaria who are at her side. 

Ellaria rolls her eyes, and repeats her request for the use of her first name and not a silly title that isn’t hers anyways for perhaps the hundredth time. But she obeys and raises her hands to her ears.

Oberyn does not, simply quirking an eyebrow at her. 

She shrugs and turns back towards the harbor and tilts her head back, closes her eyes, and _howls_. 

_I am here,_ she says, _I am safe. I am home._

She keeps her head tilted back for another long moment as the notes echo across the water and then — 

She leans so far over the railing that there’s suddenly an arm around her waist to keep her there and she’s glad for it because she doesn’t want to swim and yet — 

“That was _Arya_ ,” she says, tears in her eyes as she turns to the prince, with her face feeling like it will crack with how wide her smile is. “Arya and Nymeria and _Lady_. They’re _here_.” 

Prince Oberyn seems at a loss for words, even as he holds her steady, still reaching across the water to where her family is waiting for her, and she refuses to consider how safe she feels in that moment not just with the voices of her sisters echoing in her ears but with the arms around her. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I guess this is still pretty pre-ship, and since I apparently am more interested in world building and characterization at the moment I'm not entirely sure it'll ever get super shippy but who knows. 
> 
> If you have questions or things you wanna discuss, find me [on tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/capriciouswrites). I'm super bad at responding but I always get there eventually.
> 
> Not edited enough, let me know if anything looks wonky!
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! I hope you enjoyed!


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